Impotence

Impotent. Infertile. Futile. Ineffectual. Barren.
These words really are wielded with such heavy weight.
Insults and diagnoses, condemnations.

Nothing vindicating.

Impotence: piercing sharp insult, emasculating and demoralizing
Infertile: like a field, like one thing over used, or in this case fallow, or Shepard without a flock a hive without a queen, a planet without an orbit.
Futile: pointless, useless, hopeless (consult thesaurus for more synonyms).
Ineffectual: previously the worst thing you could call me; the one I would take most offense to as a teacher, a knife to the heart.
Barren: Not like a duke or a count, but more like a desert, without oasis. A camel without a hump, a cat without claws… barren like an unpollinated flower, never to seed.

Masticating, just chewing on a concept, not wallowing despite the potential airs of self-loathing and occasional wallowing. Masticating and other private sins of the like. Weekends were made for just the occasion. Movies, popcorn, poolside lounges and private balconies, dark and solitary moments dug from peaceful sun drenched alcoves.

Masticating impotence—if that is possible. And if it is not slippery enough to confuse even the keenest. Conniving. Assumptive and now merely making up words.