“La Cucaracha”

I look like this but maybe should try looking more...

..... LIKE THIS

After less than a week on this island I am greeted by name in the street, asked out by waiters before they take my order and bought breakfast by a man passing by on a bicycle.
I have owed ten dollars to a man down at the harbor, who goes by the name of “La Cucaracha” (The Cockroach) for three days. It seems like something that you shouldn’t do… the beginning of a bad gangster film. And not for a lack of trying: I have looked for him for two of the three mornings in question, but the first was Sunday and if anyone works, which I am not sure about cause the town was deserted; He didn’t seem to. He is always about. I see him even when I don’t want to, but it seemed the more I needed to find him, the less likely it was. When I was not looking for him he appeared. Last night while I was again attempting to deflect flirtatious glances from my waiter, I spotted ‘La Cucaracha’ at the Bar. I thought he saw me and made a friendly gesture, but knew I only had enough money for the meal I was eating. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to avoid him or short him… but I really couldn’t pay. Fortunately, he had not seen me and I was off the hook for the moment if I could finish dinner and get out of there before he spotted me… which proved to be difficult because the waiter wanted to prolong my stay there as much as possible. He was very attentive, which is not the ordinary service in this particular place… I often get my own menu… would go into the kitchen and make it myself if I thought they would let me… cause the few times I have been here I have been virtually ignored. However, not last night for when I had finished my meal, he was right there. He offered me a coffee, drink or desert which seemed pretty standard until I realized it would be on the house, un regalo, a gift to keep me around for a while. I really was hoping to get an ice cream, so if he wanted to get it for me for free I wasn’t going to deny him. But I desired to get out as soon as possible to avoid the notice of The Cockroach and because honestly the waiter was creeping-me-out. But the allure of ice cream prevailed. I sat with my chocolate/vanilla twist in anticipation and bliss. I did manage to slip out without incident.
When I finally found ‘Cucaracha’ this morning, I wasn’t looking for him. But I did have the money and was ready with my explanation for the delay… and he equally said… “oh, great you have my $20.” I had to take a moment to correct him. And all was smooth. I have been invited for lobster, but am working on declining. I honestly am not a great fan, and although it seems like a great invitation I am preferring my own company to constantly being flirted with, deflecting enticing glances from unattractive men and wearing my prickly exterior. Even when I let my hand be kissed or remain polite for the preliminary formalities of flirtation, I would much rather not. These days it is rarely amusing. I am tired of always having my defenses up, but with every advance I am less interested and less trusting. Maybe just less amused.
I have to admit free food is great and discounted tours of the Galapagos Islands is welcome. I have enjoyed some of the second-hand perks of this culture. And there are moments when I welcome a handsome smile. I don’t have a prepared rant about the waiter from the night before last… because he was handsome and not overbearing. He flirted with his eyes and no more… and I have to admit I might have participated a bit so he had encouragement. But he was not a pest. There are far more that can’t say the same.
So what is my problem? I don’t know. In China I didn’t exist, I felt NO ONE SAW ME… they stared at me but never saw me let a lone flirted with me. In the U.S. I don’t know what to do with myself and here everyone sees me and wants to date me… or something to that effect.
What do I want and where am I willing to go to get it?